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Changing words for Master in the house?

So we are doing this, but our production does not want to use the cursing in the Master of the house. Is there optional words, or a way of changing them?
Monsieur D'Arque

There was a musical revue in Disney World called Bohemia! It performed several numbers from big Broadway shows of the time, including an amusingly censored La Vie Boheme.

For their Master of the house, the lyrics were as follows:

"Philosopher and life-long TWIT"
"God knows how i've struggled, living with this bugger in the house"
"Raise it up the master's- *huge cheers and laughter from the ensemble*"

My catholic high school made the above changes except we did "God knows how I've lasted living with this master of the house."

I once heard "living with this monster in the house" in a SE clip on Youtube.

And I've never heard this done, but I've heard this suggested: "Thinks he's quite a thinker but there's not much there." (pointing at head)
The Very Angry Woman

Not to get into the whole "LMSE censorship" crap again, but I did see a HS production where they only kind of sort of got around the swearing issue -- Mme. T actually would say the word, but Th´┐Żnardier had a glass or a jug of water and would spitefully splash it at her, so she never quite got it out.
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