Monsieur D'Arque
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I'm surprised nobody guessed it- it's been staring you in the face this whole time.
Fun Fact: If I had to describe Barricade Boys, I'd say it's meta-metafiction. Fanfiction... about fanfiction, basically.
Fun Fact: Though Rosencranz and Guilderstern Are Dead was one of my main bits of inspiration, another lesser-known bit of culture inspired the tone quite a bit. I remember, in third grade, my friend from Japan knowing about Pokemon long before we Americans did. He told us that in Japan, there was the Pokemon show, and then a spinoff, where the concept was "Pokemon" is a TV show. So what do the "characters" do when they're not playing "themselves" on TV? I remembered that, Mizzied it up, and then broke all the rules of canon and fanfictoin to create a tribute and parody to, among other things, Les Mis, fanfics, musical theater, medical shows, seventies pop culture, Michael Crawford, and shameless Broadway revues.
Fun Fact: Though you may never get to see Javert's masterpiece "Scrubs In Love: The Gayest Story Ever Told," I can tell you that JD/Enjolras and Turk/Grantiare had a duet entitled "It's All About The Subtext," Valjean as Dr. Cox would sing "Foe Yay" from the previous scene, and as House, Montparnasse would sing the aptly titled "Love Is A Crutch."
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Scene 18: Montparnasse, House, Grantiare, Vampire Michael Crawford and Fantine
Montparnasse: You need to go. Now.
House: What?
Montparnasse: I've got a differential for you. Your symptoms are breaking the fourth wall, adding nothing to the story, and cheapening the effect of the plot as a whole. What's the diagnosis? You're obsolete.
House: How am I obsolete? I'm the most widely-discussed character on television in years. You're a minor character in a musical that's seen better days, existing in a play online as a peripheral piece of set dressing.
Montparnasse: I exist in this show as an analogy of you. If you yourself actually appear in Barricade Boys, there's no reason for me to exist. So you have to go.
House: Oh, no I don't. The Australian crack whore is kind of cute.
Montparnasse: Grantiare! You're the closest thing to a level-headed character here. Come sort this out.
Grantiare: Hmm... We're going to have a trial. The winner of the trial gets to stay in Barricade Boys. The loser is banished to a spinoff.
Montparnasse: A spinoff?
Grantiare: Yes. You'll be living in a loft in Alphabet City with peripheral characters from other musicals past and present, commenting wittily on the fate of Broadway, internet culture, life, and your own fanbases.
House: That's horrible... it's like a web comic!
Grantiare: Indeed... but without pictures.
Montparnasse: Good god!
House: Don't drag him into this too...
Grantiare: Tomorrow, your fates will be decided by a jury of your peers. Oh- and I forgot to mention. The loser takes Vampire Michael Crawford with them.
Vampire Michael Crawford: Hey, I didn't make no promises.
(All exit. Fantine enters, sadly.)
Fantine: I'm starting to feel sort of underused here...
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Kragey
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I've been so busy lately that going back and reading all of these from 10 onward really made my day. Especially:
| Monsieur D'Arque wrote: | | Fantine: I'm starting to feel sort of underused here... |
Poor Fantine! Nobody loves her.
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What you own
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| Quote: | | Gavroche: Megan's Law. |
What?!?
That the law with the registered and in califronia and... Right.....
If so Ha ha!
Or am I missing something?
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Yes. Did you read the "Enjorlas" chapter? That should make it all clear.
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Oli-Ol
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I'm Obsessively Compulsively reading these from beginning to end...
I don't get many of the references (what's House?) but still...
Wow.
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jackrussell
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| Oli-Ol wrote: | | (what's House?) |
Medical TV show with Hugh Laurie. It's been shown in the UK as well. If the idea of Hugh Laurie talking with an American accent sounds strange to you, though, it takes some getting into...
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Oli-Ol
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^ Thanks!
Hugh Laurie with an American accent... hmm. Will have to look into it, then maybe I'll understand at least one of the references in this blasted thing 
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Monsieur D'Arque
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House is "the quirky one," compared to the soapy ER and the comedic Scrubs. It's very dark, caustic and both touching and funny in a guilty way.
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Mistress
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| Monsieur D'Arque wrote: | | House is "the quirky one," compared to the soapy ER and the comedic Scrubs. It's very dark, caustic and both touching and funny in a guilty way. |
I couldn't agree more. It's funny, but not lightly so, and it doesn't stray from tough topics and real issues, like living with a terminal illness (Thirteen) or loving someone with said terminal Illness (Foreman), balancing single motherhood with a demanding job (Cuddy)-not so tough. I remeber Amber's death and Wilson's reaction feeling very real to me, not knowing if Wilson was ever going to forgive House and go back to his usual comedic position as the sidekick. And House breaking it off with Stacie-it seemed stupid but was actually very practical.
IDK...there's just something very real about the drama on that show...it's not traditional TV drama. I mean with Thirteen, I never thought I would see the day a TV show would have a character contracting a terminal illness...I mean shows have had HIV scares, House included, but no one actually went through with it and had a positive HIV test. I honestly didn't think Thirteen's Huntington's test would come back positive, but it did, and it's very interesting to watch her try and cope with it.
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Scene 19: All
Javert: Hear ye, people, hear ye! The court's in session, okaaaay?
The people of France vs. Dr. Gregory House!
Montparnasse: He's not here.
Valjean: What? You couldn't even get your own nemesis to show up for his own trial?
Montparnasse: Please! I can't do this all on my own-
Eponine: No?
Javert: I know.
Montparnasse: I'm no Superman.
Eponine: Ooo-wee-ooo...
Monrparnasse: I'm no Superman!
Javert: Wait. What was that? Did we just quote the Scrubs theme?
Valjean: I think we did.
Vampire Michael Crawford: Okay. I've been trying to stay quiet, but I have to speak up now. I'm getting completely sick of these medical-show jokes that break the fourth wall down completely. This is nineteenth-century France! Medicine doesn't even exist yet! Please, stick to jokes within your own canon!
(Everyone looks at Vampire Michael Crawford sarcastically.)
Vampire Michael Crawford: What?
Montparnasse: He has a point, though. We're running out of Les Mis jokes. All of our stereotypical characters and plot points have already been mocked completely. We're down to guest appearances, Javert showtunes, and pompous vampires? What's left to joke about?
Fantine: You could always do scenes that utilize me?
Valjean: Did somebody say something?
Grantiare: I think it was Gavroche.
Fantine: They hate me.
Thenardier: Hate YOU? You've been in four times as many scenes as I have, and I've kept my bleedin' trap shut.
Grantiare: Look- I think i've solved the problem. We need the new movie to come out as soon as possible, so we'll have new material to mock.
Montparnasse: I second that. If we don't get some new fodder soon, I'm going to move to that New York flat myself and start a new spinoff with Marc Cohen, the Phantom, Rum Tum Tugger and the singing washing machine from that one show.
Enjolras: Singing washing machine?
Montparnasse: Let's not get sidetracked.
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mezzo_soprano
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| Monsieur D'Arque wrote: | (Enjolras bursts onto the scene.)
Enjolras: Halt! HAAAAAALT! Zees man could nevah be a Les Mis homosexual! Ze Les Mis homosexual is not a mousy leetle mama's boy! Ze Les Mis homosexual is bootch! Und zat is not how you seeng about being gay in Le Mis! Zees is how you seeng about being gay in Les Mis! B flat, two-two time, modulate at the bridge!
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I laughed soooooo hard at this
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Yay, one-joke character.
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nabla
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I really want something involving Fantine now, lol... i love her
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Okay, by request.
Scene 20: Fantine and Grantiare
Fantine: Grantiare, Grantiare!
Grantiare: What?
Fantine: I just got some incredible news.
Grantiare: Your period?
Fantine: Better!
Grantiare: A cure for consumption?
Fantine: Much better! I got a part in a Broadway show!
Grantiare: But you're already-
Fantine: Barely. And I'm playing the title role and everything!
Grantiare: What's the show?
Fantine: (carried away) It's an all star cast, Grantiare! EVERYONE is in this show!
Grantiare: What show?
Fantine: And I get to meet them, and work with them, and go out for drinks with them! All of a sudden, I don't feel so underappreciated anymore! All these years I've spent toiling in obscurity here in Mizzieland, doing my two scenes and then waiting backstage... I've written five novels, Grantiare. This dress? I cross-stitched the whole thing. I even mastered the recorder- I can play the brown note.
Grantiare: I think an earlier scene already established that the brown note is-
Fantine: Well, I can.
Grantiare: That's nice. Now who are you playing?
Fantine: Hold your breath- wait for it- Godot!
(Grantiare walks away, shaking his head.)
Fantine: I'm so proud.
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Oli-Ol
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Aww!
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nabla
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LOL! Awww...
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MariekeLovesEnjolras
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Aww! I love Fantine... Being so proud of playing Godot, haha! Aww 
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What you own
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| Quote: | | Montparnasse: I second that. If we don't get some new fodder soon, I'm going to move to that New York flat myself and start a new spinoff with Marc Cohen, the Phantom, Rum Tum Tugger and the singing washing machine from that one show. |
To many muisclas jokes there to count. Rolling on the florr. Sing washing machine? Lets not get into that!
| Quote: |
Montparnasse: Please! I can't do this all on my own-
Eponine: No? |
Hehe. I saw it coming but still. Can you imange Monty singing on my own? His version? Oh dear......
| Quote: |
Vampire Michael Crawford: Okay. I've been trying to stay quiet, but I have to speak up now. I'm getting completely sick of these medical-show jokes that break the fourth wall down completely. This is nineteenth-century France! Medicine doesn't even exist yet! Please, stick to jokes within your own canon! |
Hehehe. When ever you say canin I think of a real canon and al the Les Mies chacrters in the canon and then BOOM!! He he. Then I figured it out......
My foavorite is still"The music was you, The script was you, The chorgrophy was you. I just said lets write a muiscal then you rode that pony til it died. Then you just humped it." (Sorry don't rememeber the line completely. The wording I know is off) 
I know it's been said before many times many ways but.... Marry- Oh bo opps sorry I mean.
YOU. WIN. AT. LIFE.
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lesmisloony
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...I'm still really distracted by "GrantIAre." And once I noticed it, I couldn't unsee it...
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musical4eva
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I noticed that and 'cos it was repeated soo many times I kinda started to wonder if I'd been spelling it wrong all these years.
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MariekeLovesEnjolras
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| musical4eva wrote: | I noticed that and 'cos it was repeated soo many times I kinda started to wonder if I'd been spelling it wrong all these years.
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Same for me :O But is it really Grantaire or Grantiare? Grantaire I guess? 
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Wow. If i've been messing that up, I'm sorry.
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Jaym
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xDDD I thought you were doing it on purpose. You shouldn't have said that. =P
Anyway, this is still brilliant. Even though you messed up Grantaire's name.
Poor Fantine, so proud of playing Godot. I love her, I wanna go and hug her.
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Scene 21: Fantine, Montparnasse, Eponine and Grantaire
(Fantine enters, with a letter in hand.)
Fantine: Montparnasse? I'd like to submit my letter of resignation.
Montparnasse: What?
Fantine: I'm leaving. I'm resigning from Les Miserables and moving to New York to live in that loft you described a few scenes ago. I'm paying for cable, and Rum Tum Tugger is bringing a fridge.
Eponine: Moving to New Yack? Wot's 'is about?
Fantine: I feel... unimportant here. But in NYC, I'm gonna be somebody again!
Grantaire: Fantine, don't do this. We'll all miss you here.
Fantine: We? Who's we?
Grantaire: Well... um...
Montparnasse: Who's gonna play the recorder?
Eponine: I play the recohda, m'sieur.
Montparnasse: Oh. Okay, then. Well, good luck, Fantine.
(Fantine sets out, then turns around once more.)
Fantine: Aren't you going to say goodbye?
Eponine: Did someone say something?
Montparnasse: It must have been only the wind, in the trees...
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Oli-Ol
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Oh NO!
Aw... 
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mezzogeek
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| Monsieur D'Arque wrote: |
Fantine: Aren't you going to say goodbye?
Eponine: Did someone say something?
Montparnasse: It must have been only the wind, in the trees... |
 Awwww! Don't go, Fantine! We still love you and your recorder skills!
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Sphynx
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| Mistress wrote: | | I mean shows have had HIV scares, House included, but no one actually went through with it and had a positive HIV test. |
ER did, in it's second season. Jeanie Boulet, one of the nurses on the show tested HIV positive, and it showed both her and her husband (who was also positive) try and cope with it. And then you have Dr. Greene, who had a terminal illness (brain cancer) and died from it. But anyway 
I really, really love this. I've only recently found myself in Les Mis, and I've cracked up all the way through this. I've had a pretty crappy day so far - thank you SO much for cheering me up
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MlleTholomy�s
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| Monsieur D'Arque wrote: |
Montparnasse: It must have been only the wind, in the trees... |
Yeah, it definitely was the wind. Who else could it be? Especially since there's no one else there . . .
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Scene 22: Cosette, Montparnasse, Javert and All
Cosette: M'sieur Montparnasse?
Montparnasse: What is it, Jailbait?
Cosette: Will you tell me a story?
Montparnasse: No. Go ask your father.
Cosette: He said he was busy.
Montparnasse: Oh, I get it. He's probably masturbating.
Cosette: What does that mean?
Montparnasse: It means he's taking hold of his business, and then everything comes up roses.
Cosette: Daddy doesn't HAVE a business!
Montparnasse: I'm not surprised...
Cosette: Please, Montparnasse! Tell me a story.
Montparnasse: About what?
Cosette: Can you tell me about my mother?
Montparnasse: I thought you'd never ask.
(Music plays.)
MONTPARNASSE:
Your mother is a whore,
She offered discounts to the many guys she's serviced before.
Your mother, the skank,
Popped you out of her tank,
So if you were born diseased, I think you know who to thank...
It's time you knew what's what-
JAVERT:
Your mother is a slut!
ALL:
Your mother is a slut!
Cosette: H-how... how long were you rehearsing that?
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Monsieur D'Arque
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PS: The first person to correctly identify the tune to Montparnasse's song wins a cameo in a future scene.
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Lara
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This is amazing.
But I cannot figure out the tune...
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Fantine
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I've not been following this at all, but I feel kinda... erm... sad? Lol
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Monsieur D'Arque
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I'm sorry Fantine... at some point, Eponine stopped being the punching bag, and it kind of became you instead.
Don't feel bad about Montparnasse mocking you, though- you're on your way to New York to star in a big Broadway show, remember?
Or, at least you think you are... more on that soon.
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Fantine
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Oh that's okay, I suppose that you are all talking about the character Fantine, and not me...
RIGHT?!
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Right, of course.
Unless you ARE the character Fantine, in which case Montparnasse just slandered you horribly. In which case, I apologize, but he's like that to everyone.
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bellaenchante
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just a stab in the dark... is the song M is singing to the tune of Fantine's death?
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Okay. I'm just gonna give it up...
The tune is "Good Morning, USA," from the "Family Guy" spinoff "American Dad."
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Monsieur D'Arque
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Scene 23
(Vampire Michael Crawford walks out on stage. Silence.)
VAMPIRE MICHAEL CRAWFORD: I'm back!
(Nothing. Behind him, Eponine wanders across the street, oblivious. Huge applause from the audience on her entrance.)
VAMPIRE MICHAEL CRAWFORD: Thank you, thank you, thank you! It is so great to be here, hosting the return of the Barricade Boys show. Now, to celebrate our return, Javert has written a new song for our show!
(Javert enters, in triumph.)
Javert: Ohh, BOYYYYYYYYYYS!
(The men enter in tutus, grumbling at their music.)
Enjolras: Javert! Zees is not relevant to mein character arc! Zees is stupid!
Grantaire: He has a point, Javert. This song... well, I don't think it's really "us."
Javert: Are you kidding? This is perfect for the tone of our show!
(He snatches a bit of music from Enjolras to sing it.)
JAVERT:
"Ohhhh...
Penis penis penis
That's the penis song
Penis penis penis
Sing it all day long.
A penis is a penis
North, west, east or south,
But a penis ain't a penis till you..."
(He stops.)
Javert: I didn't remember it being this dirty.
Gavroche: (way in the back of the ensemble) You said penis! I heard you! Hehehehe. Bollocks! Whispering eye! Frothy walrus!
Grantaire: Hush up, Gavroche! This is a family show.
Javert: Thank you, Grantaire. He's right- this is The Barricade Boys show. We pride ourselves on clean, expressive and artistically relevant Les Miserables-related material. Now, everyone? From the key change at "penis."
(The music plays, and the cast just walks out, muttering to each other. Vampire Michael Crawford is left behind on stage.)
Vampire Michael Crawford: "Penis penis penis..." Oh god, why is it so catchy?
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marlalp
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This is so funny. I just read like all 12 pages.
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Monsieur D'Arque
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True story: that song was actually written by a middle-school friend of mine, and the omitted chorus and verses are indeed quite filthy.
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Lola-Grace
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I have a nasty cough. Every time I laugh it hurts.
I blame you for my pain.
This is some fuuuunny shit.
Love Gavroche's diagnosis - it has to be lupus 
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mezzo_soprano
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BUMP
we need more of this please!
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lesmisloony
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I disagree... sorry... it got a little too ridiculous by the end. I like there to at least be some sort of reason for my favourite set of characters' names to be attached to actions and songs...
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Brother Marvin Hinten, S.
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The point of this thread is that there is no reason. Much like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were used in the similarly named play to poke fun at philosophical conventions and look at Hamlet from another viewpoint, so we see a tired cast of a fifth-rate Les Mis touring company coupled with commentary on theatre's worst conventions goofing off in character.
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lesmisloony
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However, you'll find that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were in character, as were Hamlet and his family for those moments where they were actually onstage.
I should have said earlier that I was also really turned off to this whole little "project" when it became impossible for me to read any thread on this forum without seeing Monsieur d'Arque bring up Vampire Michael Crawford or this thread.
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princesswanabe
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So I just want to say that I LOVE this thread and the only reason I'm posting right now is so I will get email notification when more is added ....or when someone else comments about it..... but i hope it will be about more being added lol
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